The Romantic History of a Handkerchief

Dearest readers,

I went to an antique store with my lovely friend in Long Beach during the summer, and we came across a box of handkerchiefs. As I was going through the box, I couldn’t help but think of all the people that these handkerchiefs belonged to. Some of them had their initials sewn into a corner, and others had romantic lace details on the trim. If you look deeper into a handkerchief, they are used for more than just blowing one’s nose; it is used to wipe someone’s tears. There is something so sweet and endearing about a handkerchief that inspired me to learn more.

Flirting in the Victorian Era

From Pride and Prejudice, 2005 film adaptation

If you have ever watched Pride and Prejudice, you'd remember the scene where Lydia Bennet throws her handkerchief at the group of officers marching by, but she becomes visibly sour when no soldier picks up her handkerchief. Dropping your handkerchief in the Victorian Era was a subtle way to show interest in a romantic connection with someone. It was a woman's way of flirting. If a person were to pick up and return the handkerchief, then the flirtation can be taken as reciprocated. In other words, "accidentally" dropping your handkerchief is equivalent to subtly sliding into someone's DMs in Gen-Z terminology. 

Later in the film, Lydia drops her Handkerchief again, and Wickham is the one who ends up picking it up. Although Wickham at first showed more interest in Elizabeth Bennet, his picking it up is seen as foreshadowing, as he later ends up marrying Lydia, but for money, of course—poor, naive Lydia Bennet.

The Romantic Language of a Handkerchief

“How to talk with a Handkerchief”

Via Pinterest

In the Victorian era, it was not considered proper for a woman to flirt outrageously, so women had to find a discreet way to communicate their interests to men. Elizabeth I is said to have popularized the Handkerchief and even created a silent language to communicate with her hankie.

What fascinates me the most about a handkerchief is how a piece of cloth can transform a relationship. Before text messages, dating apps, and casual introductions, romance required patience, mystery, and a willingness to decode gestures. The handkerchief became an extension of a woman’s voice, allowing her to speak without words in a society where silence was often expected. I also find it very liberating for women in this time to find a way to communicate what they want and control their romantic destinies.

Perhaps that’s even why now, I still find myself in awe of how small, delicate pieces of lace could transcend strangers into lovers. Handkerchiefs are a reminder to me that someone was once loved. They are, to me, a beautiful piece of history. Time can fade almost everything, just not love.

Love always,

Ajie