I want to be mine before I am anyone else’s
Being Mine
Being mine feels like holding myself
when I don’t feel like I deserve to be held.
It’s not waiting until I’ve finished every task
to allow the love in.
It’s deciding that the love I seek is right now —
now, in the tenderness in my chest,
now, in the shortness of my breath.
Love is the presence that no other could gift to me.
I want to be mine means that I understand I am my only constant,
and I'm not afraid of that.
I am my only for sure, and I won’t run away from that.
I belong to myself when I fail miserably.
I belong to myself in my quiet victories.
I belong to myself and all my uncertainties.
Before anyone has the privilege of calling me theirs,
I will be calling myself mine.
Dearest reader,
Owning myself entirely has been a journey I’ve been on for years, and it often feels never-ending. There are moments when I come face-to-face with my insecurities, and it feels like I’m being dragged right back to where I started.
In those moments, I have to remind myself of the things I’ve told myself countless times: Self-acceptance is not a one-time achievement; it’s a practice. It’s remembering, even when it feels hard or uncomfortable, that I am deserving of love, starting with the love I give myself. It’s a journey of returning to yourself, again and again, and learning that each step forward—no matter how small—is still progress.
Here are some insights that I’ve processed over my journey of building a better relationship with myself:
You don’t have to be anything to be loved.
This one was the most brutal realization I had to come to terms with as an adult. As someone who tied their grades and accomplishments firmly to their identity growing up, this approach to self-worth completely rewired my brain chemistry. Love doesn’t require perfection or accomplishment. You are worthy of love simply because you exist, and there’s nothing you can do to earn it or lose it. No matter how many times you try to rationalize why you are not enough for someone or something, you will never reach an end goal—because there is no “end goal.” Love is not a reward for your achievements; it is a truth you carry inside yourself. The moment you stop measuring your worth by outcomes, you begin to experience the kind of freedom that makes self-acceptance possible.
2. You need to define yourself before others do it for you.
This piece of advice came to me when I realized how easily I could lose myself in the things other people said about me. Whether their words were kind or cruel, they led me down a path of constantly questioning my capabilities and my worth.
The thing about owning yourself is that you can’t just claim the parts you feel proud of—you have to claim all of your parts. The messy parts. The insecure parts. The parts you’d rather hide. Because if you don’t, when people try to define you only by your flaws, you’ll start to believe that’s all you are. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. You are not a single story someone else tells about you; you are the whole story, and only you get to write it.
3. You can never lack love when you are full of it.
Love scarcity is a mindset that convinces us we are the kind of person who doesn’t get to receive the love we desire—that love is reserved for someone else, someone better, someone other than us. But when we think this way, the very thing keeping us from receiving love is ourselves.
The truth behind this story we tell ourselves is that we can never actually lack love, because we are already full of it. We carry within us all the qualities we search for in other people. Love is fluid—it can take many forms, including simply being a state of existence. So if you ever feel that love is what you’re missing, you can always return to the truth: you are love.
4. There’s so much more to life than falling in love with someone
As I get older, I find more and more adults asking me the same questions—the ones reserved for the “last single cousin” in the family who hasn’t brought a partner around yet: “Have you met anyone?” “Are you seeing anyone?” “How come you’ve never introduced us to someone?”
Don’t get me wrong—romantic love is one of the greatest experiences humans can feel. But it isn’t the only love this life has to offer. In my adulthood, I’ve found friendships that fulfill many of the deep connections I longed for in my adolescence. I still can’t believe I have friends who would send me flowers after a surgery, drive four hours to attend my art exhibition, or sit in a doctor’s waiting room just to make sure I wasn’t alone.
My Beautiful Friends
Steph piercing into my camera, Sopa dancing upon the rocks, and Michelle gazing into the sea.
Friends will reveal the love you need, time and time again, until you finally believe it. And even if you haven’t found your people yet, life has still given you a beautiful earth to explore, full of opportunities to connect. There is joy in a walk to the café, in complimenting the barista, in maybe even turning strangers into friends. Travel, even if it’s just to another city in your state, and expose yourself to things you never had the chance to appreciate before.
Recocco Cafe, Shibuya, Tokyo Japan, Summer 2025
There are so many wonderful places, experiences, and people to fall in love with—non-romantically. And there is so much value in that.
The foundation of my relationship with myself has been built on these insights, and I remind myself of them constantly. It’s not a linear process at all—it takes showing up for yourself, again and again, to build real trust.
A big part of that trust is learning how to enjoy your own presence. We are constantly changing, developing, and growing as people. Old versions of us die, and new ones are reborn. Through it all, the call remains the same: be with yourself.
Be with yourself when your thoughts feels unbearable and you want to run away. Be with yourself when something wonderful happens and believe that you deserve it. Be with yourself in your singleness, and know that not all the joy this life has to offer depends on falling in love with someone else. Life offers endless explorations and endeavors—new friends, new countries, new foods, new experiences.
Be with yourself for all of it.
Love always,
Ajie
Copyright Notice
© [2025] [Audrey M]. All rights reserved.
This poem “Being Mine” is the intellectual property of the author. No part of this work may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations used in reviews, academic work, or other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
